Open Letter | Dear Jeremy

This is an open letter and response to a note that the man that I was married to for 9 days left me.

Dear Jeremy,

I was your “wife” for all of 9 days before you physically assaulted me, and why? Because you were upset? Because I provoked you? Because you couldn’t control your anger? Whatever the reason was, it doesn’t matter. The fact of the matter is, you hurt me in a way that only God can fix. I will never feel safe around you. I feel never feel safe near you. I will never be able to be myself near you ever again and that makes me sad.

You were supposed to be my rock. You were supposed to be able to stand strong when I was weak. You were supposed to be my protection. You were supposed to keep my heart safe. You were supposed to make sure that with the help of God our family had everything that we needed.

Since the afternoon when I gave the wedding ring back, I spent many nights and early mornings praying for you. I have spent the same nights and early mornings, crying because how could have I thrown wisdom and insight to the side and went with “what felt right.” How could I have been so foolishly in love with you. You were charming and cunning and you had me bent out of shape. I was ready to stand up to the World, just me and you.

God wrecked those plans.

You were  a lier and a deceiver from the beginning of the relationship.

Yet, I always told you that I wasn’t concerned about what you were keeping from me, if anything, because I know that I am anointed and that what’s done in the dark will be brought to the light.

Every lie and moment of deception that you thought that you got away with was brought to the light.

I thank God for protecting me. I thank God for ending our relationship.

I am not sure if you even think about me. I am not sure if you wish things could have been different. I wonder if you wish that you would have just been honest with me from the beginning. You have a hard past and I accepted everything that you told me. Why didn’t you tell me everything? I pray that if and when you get into another relationship you would allow your life to be an open book. I pray that before you even cross that bridge that you seek God and repent from your wicked ways.

It’s not okay to be unapologetic when you have literally hurt people.

You are arrogant and you are prideful and it’s only a matter of time before you reap the harvest that you have sown.

In response to the note that you left on my bed that day the police officer stood by while you backed your bags.

Every single one of those memories was a lie. The relationship that we had was a lie because you weren’t honest when I was honest and open with you. I gave you the kind of love that the Bible talks about in 1 Corinthians 13 and you did not show the same kind of love back to me.

You couldn’t love me like Christ loves the church. You couldn’t be gentle towards me like the Bible commands. You were not the man that I had been praying for, you were not the man that I am to live the rest of my life with and I know this because you tried to take my life.

I will not be a martyr. I will not die by the hands of someone I loved all for the sake of bringing awareness to domestic violence.

Know that I will get through this.

Know that I am a survivor.

Know that I am resilient.

Know that I will rise again and when I do you will be the enemy that God has made for my feet to rest upon.

You may have gotten away this time, but vengeance is of the Lord and he will take care of you.

 

 

 

 

*Names have been changed in order to protect the people mentioned.

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